April 7 – to advise or not

257/365 – people to thank who have had an impact on me.  What’s the toughest job out there?  You probably thought I was going to say my own – teaching.  Nope, that’s not it.  Air traffic controller?  Yes, it’s the #1 most stressful job but there’s something even more stressful.  ER nurse/doctor?  Once again, it’s not that either even though they are dealing with so many different personalities and unexpected circumstances.  The most stressful job which combines elements of every job out there is that of a parent.  Believe me, I speak from experience!  The terrible twos have nothing on the teenage years.  Got one through who is now 22 and on the other side of the fence but I’ve got one now who is testing my limits and asserting his independence as he is supposed to.  In the job of parent, you don’t know what you sign up for and who you are going to get but I appreciate the advice of other parents who’ve been through it or are going through it.  I didn’t realize that until having kids of my own.  In the beginning, yes, there are those who are giving you unsolicited advice on how to hold the baby, what to feed it and when and how not to coddle etc etc.  Then comes the advice in the toddler years to the early primary years and which teacher to get and which one to stay away from if you get into the right school in the first place.  That’s about the time I started wanting and appreciating parenting advice from other parents.  Now here I am with my second teenager and welcome as much relevant advice as there are days where I’m on the verge of pulling my hair out – thank God I have a lot of it  😉  However, I have a huge caveat as to when it comes to parenting advice – harder to accept/listen to your suggestions (usually criticisms) if you are not a parent and don’t acknowledge that point.  I don’t care how many books you’ve read, how many nieces and nephews you have, how educated you are, how many students you have taught or whatever the case may be – you don’t know parenting unless you are a parent especially if you start off with “I would…”.  Yes, I might have ruffled quite a few feathers with that comment but let me liken it to the following:  me giving hockey advice to my son just because I’ve watched games and know stats and team histories and all the rules – okay, maybe a bad example as I know none of that but you get my point 😉  If I haven’t put on a pair of skates and been on the ice against another team and hockey isn’t my life, I have no place in giving unsolicited advice to my son on how to improve his game unless he asks for it.  So to all the parents who have given, continue to give and will give me parenting advice, I so much appreciate it as you know what you are talking about.  To the others, the thought is appreciated and your suggestions are too but just keep in mind that you are on the outside looking in and I’m living it so I may not really understand your intent but if it’s coming from a good place, much respect.  To both groups of people, thank you for thinking of me and my situationship and I am gonna survive this second teenager too as it is what I signed up for 🙂

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