January 2 – you marry the family

162/365 – people to thank who have had an impact on me. As many of you know, mid last year, my wife and I separated for a period of 13 or so months to take time apart to figure things out. Of course, a separation doesn’t just affect the two people involved – it affects the entire family, extended family and friends of both people. Obviously it was rough on my two kids – especially since they are older and can internalize things in a different way than younger kids but they didn’t have to choose sides as we were still both their parents. However, the choosing of sides does and did happen with most of the other adult members of family and to an extent, friends especially those that are good friends with only one person and that is completely understandable. However, it is still hard to accept when you are the receiving party of no contact. I had the hardest time losing touch with the people I was close to and that happened to be my wife’s siblings, cousins and spouses. I actually felt very fortunate to spend time with them pre-separation as they were a second family to me – dare I say that at times I enjoyed spending time with them over my own side of the family as we had so much fun and laughter together. Unfortunately, once they were informed of the separation, most of them decided not to make contact with me. Yes, from my perspective, I felt shunned but I also understood why as my wife is their cousin/sister/niece/aunt and there is loyalty and I appreciate that – I just felt that a simple text or email or FB message saying “Hey, how are you doing? I heard” would have gone a long way. Once again, I completely understand the difficulty of not being able to reach out but it will take me time to get over my feelings – it’s easy to recognize but harder to let go – more therapy I guess 😉 This was not the case with all the inlaws and for those of you who did reach out, I appreciate it and will not forget it. Thank you for that. For the others, I hope in my own time I can get over my feelings of hurt and get back to the good times that we used to have but I am very glad that you were there for my wife and kids and gave them the stability that they needed. Thank you all for being a part of my life as well. Cheers to you.

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